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 | "Problem. What problem?" | |
| We all get problems in our lives. It goes with the territory of being a human being. It is ironic that some of these problems are of our own making, yet are the ones that we feel least inclined to do something about correcting. Self examination can be a stressful business that raises our emotional levels. It can be frustrating when we chew a problem over and over without being able to see a solution. Ask a friend, and they will give you a solution to it without a moments hesitation. Easy for them to say, they are not emotionally involved. |
| I have a friend who believes that she is pretty thick. As if to prove the point, she does some pretty dumb things in her life. Yet, when she is relaxed and enjoying herself, she is bright, and sharp as a tack. Her insights and witticisms are a pleasure to listen to. So how come that she can act in such silly ways, hurting herself with her behaviour? When she was born, she was not the hoped-for son, and during her early years it was made quite clear to her that, not being a boy, not a great deal was expected of her. Her parents were not overtly cruel to her, only insensitive to what they were doing. Her feelings of unworthiness were accentuated when her parents adopted a teenage boy who turned to gold everything he touched. The problem was not that she was belittled as a child. It was that she would not let go of her hurt. She carried it around with her, often using it as a weapon to lash out at those who did care for her. Her behaviour is not the problem, but the symptom of the problem. In time she has come to see that the problem, although not of her own making, is one that only she can deal with. Regrettably she is still waiting for the world to bring her happiness. |
| With all problem solving it is essential that we define the problem by analysing its symptoms. How would you feel if, on telling a mechanic that your car was running unevenly, he immediately replaced the entire engine? Or, on telling a medic that you had a stomach ache, you were informed that they would operate on you without delay? That is not the way things are done. Any mechanic, engineering or medical, who is worth their salt will spend time to define the symptoms before drawing any conclusions as to the nature of the problem, and therefore, possible ways in which it can be tackled. Generally speaking, there are several ways with which to deal with things of this nature.
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| Of course it is important to assess two other things. Does the problem actually exist? Could it be a question of misconception. Are we seeing a problem where none exists? Is the problem yours, or is it another person's problem? That being the case, why are you getting involved? I became embroiled in one of those unending struggles with bureacracy. Finally, I printed out all of the pertinent correspondence, in chronological order, on a continuous roll of paper, took it in to their office, and asked them to go through it with me.At last the person across the desk, finished reading it through. "Yes", he told me, "I can see your problem." I had to point out to him that it was his problem that we were working on. I was there to help him sort it out. "Oh", he said, "I've never seen it like that." To paraphrase Kris Kristofferson, "Why do we keep complaining, about the things we could be changing?" |